I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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