a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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