Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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