this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
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