It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
