I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
