at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
