Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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