If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize
