trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
