i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
