There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
