I murdered the dance floor call the cops
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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