Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Randomize
