so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
