You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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