Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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