it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Randomize
