I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Randomize
