hotel room ftw
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Randomize
