i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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