i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
