if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
you inspire me to be a worse person
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
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