So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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