why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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