i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
