I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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