Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
