mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
