Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Actions speak louder than pants.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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