Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
