can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Randomize
