did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
