I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
