i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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