you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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