I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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