well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
