So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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