Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Randomize
