yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
