Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Semen is not good for contacts.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
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