look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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