we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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