Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
