I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
