There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
