I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Randomize