I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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