This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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