haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Randomize
