apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
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