We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize
