well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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