I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
