Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Randomize
