i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
