I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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