I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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