Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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