it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Randomize
