He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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