i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
