I think my vagina is haunted
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize