those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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