What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Randomize
