Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
