Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I believe in your delicious
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
