There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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