Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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