I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
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I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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