carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Randomize
